Caseybartolomucci's Blog

I could never be one of those “battered women”…

caseybartolomucci — Wed, 16 Dec 2009 05:44:23 +0000

Our society still believes in sex-role theory , which says that we learn from society’s institutions to behave in ways appropriate to our sex. According to sex role theory, men are aggressive, rational, dominant, and objective while women are passive, intuitive, submissive and subjective. Our culture and media perpetuates images of tough, strong, aggressive men as the epitome of masculinity. Boys are taught from a young age that sexual violence is ok because of how often it is portrayed as normal social behavior. Men are forced by their peers in society to conform into a way of living simply because they are male. In order to be accepted or to “make it big,” they have to be strong, independent, and must gain respect through violent means. This leads men down an incredibly wrong and confusing path. They are told to hide their emotions, talking about feelings is for sissy’s and men feel the complete diss is being called a woman.

This inequality for men and women leads to one of the most dangerous events in our society. I’m talking about violence against women, specifically domestic abuse. Domestic violence and abuse are used for one purpose and one purpose only: to gain and maintain total control over women. Domestic violence and abuse do not discriminate. It happens among heterosexual couples and in same-sex partnerships. It occurs within all age ranges, ethnic backgrounds, and financial levels. It can happen to anyone, even if you say, “this can never happen to me, I’m too smart,” trust me you can still end up in that situation.

Since I am a female college student, I know that there are certain ways college men can deny their violent actions and blame other things. I know it can be hard to sit back and realize that maybe what he’s doing is not right, and not what you want. I know love makes you do crazy things, but if you notice any of these small signs, you may need to reconsider your relationship and quickly…:

Does your partner:

act excessively jealous and possessive?

control where you go or what you do?

keep you from seeing your friends or family?

limit your access to money, the phone, or the car?

constantly check up on you?

Now ask your self these questions…

Do you:

Ever feel afraid of your partner?

Avoid certain topics out of fear of angering your partner?

Feel that you can’t do anything right for your partner?

Believe that you deserve to be hurt or mistreated?

Wonder if you’re the one who is crazy?

Feel emotionally numb or helpless?

The last two ^ there were the questions that triggered my emotions because it was exactly how I began to feel. No one to talk to, I love him but my friends will give me so much shit if I tell them the truth. Maybe it will go away…. No it wont, it will escalate.

Feel free to post any questions, comments, concerns, experiences or new knowledge on my cyberbody. It is the most amazing feeling to finally talk to someone who doesn’t know you, won’t judge you, but can relate. The worst thing that can happen is I will give you some personal experiences that may or may not help.

take care!

Casey

Becomming

caseybartolomucci — Thu, 10 Dec 2009 05:06:25 +0000

For our final readings in week 15 we read a few different articles all somewhat involving women speaking out and doing what they feel is right. I know that for centuries children were supposed to seen and not heard. They were not supposed to speak out because their opinions were deemed foolish and unimportant. But have you ever listened to a child? Along with being absolutely adorable and funny, their insight is pure and given with little socialization behind it. When reading the article called “Talking Back” by Bell Hooks we discover her desire to talk back or “back talk.” She goes beyond her mischievous childhood ways and mentioned how women also have felt unable to speak out. She said, “Within feminist circles, silence is often seen as the sexist “right speech of womanhood”-the sign of woman’s submission to patriarchal authority.” I realize this is true in so many cases. Even on a daily basis at work I notice my male managers talking business around me and even though I may have something equivalent to say, I hold back. My ideas are not valued simply because I am a woman. I think that children should be able to communicate more. As a child and young adult I was constantly writing in a diary or writing stories, I had so much to say. With time my ideas faded, my desire to write left and my diaries were lost. There should be classes that teaches children to question reason and policies, to give them a voice. Whether it is to create critical thinkers, or to exercise their ability to give speeches, people need to speak out.

In class this week we also had a guest speaker who works for a program called shakti. This organization helps women to create social change through a few step process. So many women are not heard and have so much to say that a program like this is amazing to our society. It allows women who are suffering in any way in their lives to learn how to transform and turn negative experiences into good ones. The speaker brought up an ingenious point that has been eating away at me for months now. When people ask why I’m going to school, or what I will use my degree for, I have NO ANSWER! But after taking this weeks readings and listening to our speaker I have somewhat of an answer. “I am going to college because our patriarchal society tells me to value money, power and violence as a positive way of living.” In the article, “Uses of the Erotic” by Audre Lorde she explains a presence that lays in everyone that knows what we all want/need and are capable of accomplishing in our lives. She goes on to say, “In order to perpetuate itself, every oppression must corrupt or distort those various sources of power within the culture of the oppressed that can provide energy for change.” She is talking about our society and how they pressure everyone to truly believe the only way to be happy is by obtaining things like degrees, cars, houses. Yes of course these things are nice and kind of essential, but the underlying meaning is that we as people can get lost. We loose sight of what we truly want in life. We all know what can make us happy but we tend to bear off in different directions in life becasue we are blinded by the “successful life” our culture states to be the norm. I wanted to be a hairstylist, a writer, a travelor. Now I’m graduating with a Bachelors degree in Economics and believe me, it is not making me happy…

Patriarchal Violence and a Cultural of Sexual Violence

caseybartolomucci — Wed, 09 Dec 2009 07:05:10 +0000

After reading for week 14 I found an intriguing connection. In the article titled “History and the Politics of Violence Against Women” the author notes that “Violence against women is a logical extension of sexism and the politics of male domination”. In another reading called “Ending Violence,” the author discusses a similar theory. The term “domestic violence” continually reminds the listener that violence in the home is connected to sexism and sexist thinking, to male domination. Yes it is true that violence against women has dated back centuries, but we also used to have to pee outside like animals Men have used women as objects throughout our history. Asian women were shipped over as sex slaves, our ancestors who established this country raped and murdered Indian and African American women. Women were only given rights less than twenty years ago. Castaiteda hit it on the nose when she stated, “rape and other violence against women are acts of domination-acts of power the direct expression of sexual politics, and thus are violent political acts of sexual and other aggression against women.” Our society continues to portray male sexuality as aggressive and female sexuality as submissive. Whether it is through advertisements or our daily lives. These hegemonic ideals are so deeply rooted into our culture that most women do not even notice what is going on and simply conform.

Secondly, after reading ‘Word Warrior’ by Jennifer DiMarco, I was touched. It was such a sad story of a very young girl who was lied to and abused and raped. No one deserves to go through something like this and I admire her ability to deal with the experience through her writing. “The more open eyes we have, the less darkness will be allowed to exist” the author said. This is such a strong quote because it is absolutely true. In class we were given handouts with rape and abuse statistics. Along with many statistics we learned that women in abusive relationships tend to worry about what people will think, and this worry keeps them in abusive situations as a consequence of the same they feel. I always fear going to my women’s studies classes when we begin to touch on this topic because I’m afraid I will bust into tears and have to leave making an obvious scene. Myself having been in an abusive relationship I can completely relate to these ideas. I did not want anyone to know, because I was somewhat ashamed. I could never be involved in a relationship with someone who abused me. But I was, and I remained for probably too long. If these classes, or statistics were available to more women, I believe the violence will be reduced. The topic of domestic or patriarchal abuse is so rarely talked about because we live in a culture where everyone is socialized to see violence as an acceptable means of social control. I know that I was always afraid to stand up for myself in my own situation, and even embarrassed to talk about it with people, but others need to know they are not alone and what they can do. That is why I truly admire people like DiMarco and any feminist who can actually talk out about this terrifying issue.

Women’s Aging Bodies & Sex

caseybartolomucci — Tue, 01 Dec 2009 07:19:52 +0000

I have always thought it amazing how Barbara Bush, even with the fame and fortune, continued to age naturally. There was no hair dye, face lifts and she never really conformed with the crazy fashion trends. Being a women in power I thought she must be affected by the beauty myth, but how? After reading the article “Jane Fonda, Barbara Bush and Other Aging Bodies,” I have come to understand. Barbara points out openly to the media that she does not follow the feminine norm, she is the first to point out how ‘grandmotherly’ she looks. She states how being concerned with her looks is not important when it comes to her daily life. Although I found it very interesting that even though she chooses to look this way, she undoubtedly is aware of societies desire to remain youthful. I almost think it is a stand she chose. To pick one side (the unachievable woman) or the other (natural). She finds this a the center for her arguments in feminist theory. She doesn’t care how she looks, but she really does.

This leads me into my next point. Why do women care so much about their appearance? The fake bo-tox, implants, makeup, it does not look real. People have come to see this fake women and think she is attractive. I have watched a few episodes of a television show called “The Real House Wives of Atlanta,” and these women take the beauty myth to the extreme. Doing things such as lazoring the cellulite away, lypo, and the worst in my opinion, lip injections. It is a symbol of power yes, but simply because you have to be rich to afford all of these operations. I had to sit back and think to myself, how is all of that body distortion important to these women? If I had the money for bo-tox, I would instead buy a car, invest in a company, or save for my future. Many women today are becoming too obsessed with their bodies and missing opportunities to improve life in general. They could be going out and talking to impoverished youth, and teaching them how to be as successful as them. Giving their money to charity, or even helping with the feminists movement. Women are putting their strength into the wrong ambitions and it is frightening for our future.

The Female Body: Medicalized, Controled

caseybartolomucci — Tue, 24 Nov 2009 20:19:34 +0000

In class this week we read “Women and Medicalization” by Catherine Kohler Riessman. On of her issues she discussed was about our reproductive freedom, especially pertaining to abortions. When talking about abortions, I always think of all of the controversy that surrounds it; the laws, the moral conflict within churches. It has always been a matter of whether or not someone believes they are truly killing a human being or specifically, when is a baby considered to be really alive. Throughout the readings this week I learned that abortions were not always seen as morally or legally wrong. Women, especially middle or upper class, had tools they used at home and conducted their own abortions. Shockingly enough “physicians were central figures in redefining abortion as a social problem”(54). Their conclusions behind this movement seem outlandish. They claimed that the practice of abortions could lead to a decline in our upper, middle class race. Also, they stated that women were avoiding their roles as mothers. Ultimately these doctors or physicians were only trying to reach one goal: keeping all things medical in their grasps. They wanted to make rules and regulations so their field in medicine could grow and monopolize. This in turn strengthened ways in which men control women’s bodies. Enforcing the idea that women had a biological determined role to have childrenand nurture them.

During class we watched a film called the Abortion Diaries. This movie discussed the issue how women deal with abortions and what help is out there. The speakers made it very clear how little information is out there for those who are thinking about their options. As I learned from our readings this week, abortions used to be very available. Midwives and other women knew how to do them in their own home. It was never looked down upon so women were not as afraid to come out and talk about it. In the film we learned that 87% of U.S. counties do not have abortion clinics. It is very obvious how this issue has changed over time. This idea really hit me because a good friend of me went through having an abortion recently. She went through her doctor and talked about it with me very little. I just assumed that she was informed by the physicians and other friends of how to go about things. Now I look back and wish I could have been there for her more because she probably was poorly informed and had little help or comfort. This should not be an issue in our society. If a woman decides she is not ready to have a child, under most circumstances, it needs to be her choice and she should be supported by everyone.

O Yes: Taboos, Female Pleasure and the Erotic

caseybartolomucci — Wed, 18 Nov 2009 00:30:07 +0000

This week we read the article, “The Myth of the Vaginal Orgasm” by Anne Koedt. At first I thought this was an opinion piece because I previously thought that there were many different types of orgasms. Of course I was aware of the sensitivity of the cliterous, and thought I felt orgasms during mandy different positions. I had no idea how closely the clitorus resembled the male pensis either. According to Koedt, “the clitorous is a small equivalent of the penis,” she goes on to state theat it experiences an erection and has the same genital corpuscles that help with sensory stimulations. So when I was honestly thingking something might be wrong with me, not always being stimulated during vaginal intercourse, I in fact do not need to see a psychiatrist! These problems are still occuring in todays society because we are still in the dark about sex, and how it is for everyone. I wish this issue was more openly talked about, through school or even in homes.

Being that I was raised very strict catholic, the article called “Sanctifying Women’s Pleasure” by Patricia Jung, strikes interest in me. I am not in any position to get married so it had never crossed my mind about how the church may play a rolein discussing marital sex. I can definatley see old fashioned people like my grandparents, knowing little to nothing about sex. Compared to how much is talked about today, they must have had no idea how to create orgasms or even what sex was capable of doing. But I do not see why they would turn to the church for sex-ed. Jung states “The absense of sexual joy in so many womesn’s lives is in part a consequence of the way good sex has been constructed in Christian moral traditions.” This leads me to believe the the institution of religion has negatively crippled the idea of sex. That sex can only be for procreation, and to complete the marriage experience. How can a priest, who is supposedly abstinant of sex, give any suggestions or information of sexual relations?

In your face… all over the place.

caseybartolomucci — Wed, 28 Oct 2009 05:57:52 +0000

In class this week we watched a film called ‘Killing Us Softly 3.’ The film goes on to discuss the effects of advertising on everyone. Before watching the movie I was definitely aware of the fallacies provided through advertisements, especially those having to do with feminine products. However I was alarmed to hear the 1 in 5 women suffer from an eating disorder. It was even more intriguing when the speaker mentioned that if one considers an eating disorder anything along the lines of being overly conscientious about their weight or food intake in order to achieve a higher goal, the real statistic would be about 4 in 5 women. This definitely challenges a previous assumption I had in thinking that anorexia or belemia were medical disorders. Women, like friends and family members of mine, go through hardships with trying to obtain a certain body image all of the time. I can see how the fake images that companies try to pass off as natural considerable distort people’s self images.

This week we read “In Your Face… All Over the Place” by Kilbourne. This piece attacked popular culture and mass media for their cynical, over-abundant advertisements. This week in my writing class, we were asked to write about a current topic that is affecting Americans. My teacher gave us examples of the war on terrorism, health care coverage, or about Obama’s promise to re-brand America. The deal was that we had to write our thesis statement before we left class, and I was amazed at how many students (including myself) were stumped. We all felt like we needed to search on the internet before making opinions. It led me to my topic: How can we rebrand America when the American public knows so little on the issue. Why do our college students know so little on current events? Kilbourne states in her article, “in a study of children in 1975, researchers found that heavy viewing of advertising led to cynicism not only about advertising but about life in general.” She goes on to say, “They may be too young to cope with such thoughts without permanently distorting their views of morality, society, and business.” I am shocked to think that if children were being jaded by these images as early as the ’70′s! It no longer surprises me why my classmates and I were so un-informed on current events in the country. We don’t want to believe that our world isn’t as perfect as we have come to believe due to the media and advertisements. “Were less capable of tolerating any kind of darkness or sadness.” Said Mark Crispin Miller, ” I think it ultimately has to do with advertising, with a vision of life as a shopping trip.” This article was written in 1999, the issues have obviously escalated.